Christmas 2010

Wow. Another year. Sitting here listening to christmas music, trying to be happy. I want to so badly. I crave for the magic this holiday gave me back when we first celebrated. But I am finding it harder to find.

This year I am still alone. Still no girlfriend/wife. I wake up alone and go to bed alone. It hurts more and more as time goes by. I tried the online dating thing. No one wrote me. I wrote to a few, Got just one reply..No make that two. One did reply and say I sounded like a nice guy but she was not interested. The other actually made a few dates with me. I say made because she also kept cancelling them. We talked on the phone a few times but after a few calls we ran out of things to say. She hasn't called me back and I have no desire to call her.

Joyce..Wonderful Joyce in Virginia is my best friend, But sadly that is it. I do love her, I do want to go visit her again. But as far as me moving there and being with her. I tried. But no luck. Wrote about a transfer in my company. Nothing. I can't just get up and leave. That would be insane. So we talk regularly, drive each other nuts daily. The distance is taking its toll. We both can sense it but neither one of us wants to be the first to mention it. We are friends and I never want to lose her. Ever. Then their is Kelly. Oh Kelly. She is something. We talk like we have no secrets. We hug like we never want to let go. But she has a boyfriend and I know she would never leave him for me. I am the friend. The fall back guy.

My job was supposed to be a short respite after getting laid off, but going on 14 years into it I guess I'm stuck. Where I am now just laid off two people because lack of work (One being Kelly) Talk is that in a year and a half the contract will not be renewed, which means another move. God how I hate change. It does do me wonders though when it is forced. I left the law firm and ended up having my horizens expanded. I guess the same will be true when this ends. Part of me still says to move to virginia with Joyce. I love the area. Perhaps something will become of Joyce and I. But are those just words because I am so very tired of being alone?

Oh well. Christmas is here. I will enjoy it the best I can.