My God. Her Eyes

It was what he had been waiting for. An invite from the woman who was slowly stealing his heart. He fought it everyday, telling himself that he was not good enough. She laughs and is more interested in what others have to say. He is not worth a chance. This was put in his brain from long ago. A relationship on which he loved so much and was hurt so badly, put out like a piece of garbage. Why was he fooling himself that this woman would have any interest? But she had asked. The invite was put out there. Of course he said yes, my God this woman made his head spin, this woman scared the hell out of him for all she was making him feel.

All that day afterwards he planned it all. What to wear, where to go. Where to steer the conversation. No more heavy talk like they have been having during their 2:00 walks. he wanted to get to know her. What made her who she is. It was going to be a wonderful night. When he saw her that morning once again his heart was in his throat and he shook whenever she came around him. My God this woman scared the hell out of him. To put himself out there again only to be let down. Again. To be told he wasn't good enough. Again. He fought himself on these feelings; She wouldn't have asked if she didn't mean it. Right? She was feeling all that he did. Right? All except his low self-esteem, his feelings of rejection.

The day progressed and he became more comfortable around her. That is how it always worked. He loved seeing her smile. It melted his heart. The sound of her laugh soothed him as songs of birds did as he watched the sunrise. She came over and said it was time for their walk. He tried to hide the smile, tried to hide the smirk he felt as all watched them stroll out. Inside he was thinking that all of these people saw him as someone worth her interest. What a great feeling to be one of those people.

He just stood in awe at this beautiful woman. as she talked he just watched her lips move and then his gaze went to her nose, and then to her eyes. My God. her Eyes. They walked and he noticed that she had not mentioned them going out that night. Here he was bursting with anticipation, and she had not mentioned this groundbreaking event. As they entered the building he asked her what her thoughts were on the dinner. He asked her if she wanted him to drive her there and then swing back and drop her off at her car. His heart was full of all the wonderful things she was about to say.

Oh. I'm sorry..I forgot about that. We'll have to do that sometime.

He fought to stay calm, Pretended that he understood. It was no big deal. She went back to her desk and he felt numb as he went back to his. he sat down and he heard her laughing with someone. he just sat there numb. Why did he bother he asked himself over and over. Why did you think she would even care. he started to shake and fought the tears as they filled his eyes. When was it going to be his turn he wondered. When will someone be as excited to spend time with him as he was with them. He hated who he was, hated the thoughts that invaded his mind. he calmed himself down and kept remembering the lyrics to a song:

Don't talk of love, But I've heard the words before; It's sleeping in my memory. I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a rock. I am an island.