Old Friends

This was written a few Months ago...

I had lunch with an old friend tonight. This person was a big part of my life in the late 80's thru the early 90's. We would lose touch but when I wanted her at my wedding, she was there. When I needed someone to talk to when my wife had an affair and left me 8 years later, she was there. When I had the thought of just uprooting myself and moving to Virginia, she was there to listen.

Why then I wondered to myself was I so nervous about seeing her again after a few years? Sadly after my wife left I have started to become very homebound. I see my family and a close friend who lives nearby (And that truly is because she tracks me down and yells at me) i also see an old friend once a week to walk, but besides that I truly like being alone.

When I close the door to my apartment at the end of the day I am free to throw my clothes wherever, let them pile up on the ground. let the dishes pile up, dust only when I can write my name on the coffee table. I am free to watch what I want, when I want. I have time to think and read and listen to the quite.

So why did I search out my friend to have dinner you might ask? Because my clothes are piled up and I trip over them. The dishes in the sink get annoying when I need to use something to eat. Because I can only write my name in the dust so many times. Because besides a few Can't miss shows, nothing worthwhile is on TV. because I have read and reread many books. Because the quite does not tell me that I will be ok. The quite does not make me laugh and feel strong and liked, loved, respected.

I had lunch with an old friend tonight. I felt awkward and uneasy and fearful that I was boring. But I also felt alive and refreshed and I laughed and I felt liked, loved, respected.

Thank God for old friends.