I was hoping to meet you many years ago. I had it all set in my head on how it was going to be. Your Mom would be having you and I would be by her side, holding her hand, helping her with her breathing. You would come and I would look down at you as the nurse cleaned you up and wrapped you in a blanket. I would be crying as I brought you to your Mother. We would just be together as a family. I imagined it would be the most important, meaningful moment of my life.
Sadly the Woman who was supposed to be your Mother decided a few years ago that she no longer loved me. She cheated and left me for another. As much as your birth would have been the most important moment of my life, this ending was the most painful, heartbreaking, life changing event of it.
As the years have gone by, I am seeing you in my future less and less. I have not found the Woman who would be your Mother. Maybe I am not trying hard enough, or perhaps I am punishing myself for all that was taken away from me. I am slowly starting to believe in myself again, but I still struggle. I think I was a good Husband. I left her love notes, sent her flowers, was there for her to cry with and lean on. Not a day went by that I did not make sure she knew how much I appreciated her. But yet she left me for a Man that will do none of these things. How I am supposed to feel about myself when I lost out to a cheating jerk?
Maybe someday I will end up with a Woman who already has Children and your spirit will end up as not a newborn, but in the shape of a pre-teen or teenager in need of a Fathers love, guidance. Perhaps some day when your heart is broken your Mother, my soul mate, will wrap you in a blanket on the couch and we will sit as a family and talk.
I imagine it will be the most important, meaningful moment of my life.
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really well written..i'm crying now.
ReplyDeletei have some kids in the state that really need a daddy...if ever you interested in an adventure of fostering.....look me up.
i've written something about an unborn child...but one that was in the womb...and never came out of the cocoon.......
oh.......and about the wife.
ReplyDeleteyou deserved better.......no one deserves that kind of betrayal.
truth? i was in the last 6 months approached by a friend...to cheat. there was no way.
the betrayal like that is the most evil and selfish thing that someone can do...perhaps only surpassed by suicide.
see, when someone cheats...they cheat on not only their spouse...but their children...their siblings...their parents...all the people that have become family to the couple...and most importantly;
they cheat on themselves.
healing will come to you...as surely as the sun rises.
and the experience will become part of the tapestry of what makes you a piece of art.